He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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