is your mom at the bar?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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