sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
sex in a hospital.. check
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
