your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
