We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
