Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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