I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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