But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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