Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Mom said you looked used
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
