I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need to sanitize my soul.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
