the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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