Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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