Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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