I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
