Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
