i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
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Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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