You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
