I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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