Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
