Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
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peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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