Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
