I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
