Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
