I must be too annoying 4 u.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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