my mouth tastes like poor choices
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
