just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize