dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
