my mouth tastes like poor choices
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
