Dude my mom stole all your condoms
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
