That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
