and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
