I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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