she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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