To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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