drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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