your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
