Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
