I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
