If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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