Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
