you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
