I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
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Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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