i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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