Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
