Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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