dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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