bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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