I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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