He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize