Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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