that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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