good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
