I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
