I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
