I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
