another moral hangover. fuck.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
