I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
